THE NEGATIVE GUEST LIST

Here's some reviews I do for the upcoming installment of the NEGATIVE GUEST LIST fanzine. Buy a copy of #1 from the stores or email primitive_zippo@hotmail. -Jack Twist

THE BEDROOMS "In My Room" 7" (Agoraphobic Records)

Blaarghhhj aaaaragaha aarararagaah aarararraa -j.t

DIS-DIS "Nze Nt Msk" CS (Raw Ballz)

Dis dissss dss didssss disssss didsssssss -j.t.

POLKADOUCHE "s/t" LP

Doucccheee my assssholeeeeeee pleeasssee-j.t.

also fanzine reviews aswell

DENY EVERYTHING 3 - Hardcore punk rock fanzine from Adeleide, Southern Australia. Editor talks about being arseholefucked (metaphorically) and does not like the UV Race EP. Says it's for people who ride bicycles. That's a fuckin good record!

DISTORT 18- wherein DX pontificates over the Straightjacket Nation United States tour of 2008, regaling readers w/ stories of unbridled tourism, as well as providing some writ on the meanings behind tracks on the "Cheap Kicks" LP record. Distort has long existed a _______ of quality fanzine writing, with Daniel being as close of a Lester Bangs type as could likely be published today via this modicom and within the stained circle in which it were conceived, in terms of producing music writing as entertainment, as intelligent discourse, as "genuine" literature. This issue doses plenty of the thoughtful, oftentimes humorous and bat shit demented prose that should be expected given the increased quality and progression over previous installments. Also included is interview with band the Brain Handles, whose records all suck the big one but are supposedly a force to be reckoned with live in person.

STAINED SHEETS 1.2- Collaborative effort between some Melbournewrit-crit types. Quality content what includes interviews with Lamps and Kurt Vile, and I count myself an ardent fan of both. However, much of said content appears to have been previously published and conviniently cropped from the interweb. None the less, Rhys Davies writes a fine record review and I can definately see this brand becoming a mainstay by the shitter upon future installments.

ZGUN2- Content less immediately appealing than that what graces the pages of it's predecessor (which boasted amazing articles on Pink reason and the Brainbombs), with write-ups on the likes of Singhtings and Fabuolous Diamonds. More reviews than you should need or want to read. Drunks With Guns article kills it. Buy it for that.

PRECIOUS MOMENTSWITH JOHN SHARKEY III

on melbourne australia television vinyl records clockcleaner.

Here ya go, breathface........

1. Well, my young man, I play in this band sometimes and it means we have to leave town to perform at terrible shows. I had to play a bunch of them in Austin, TX this year and while I wasn't boring garage rock fans I met a woman with a beautiful face and brain that was on vacation from the deep wilderness of Canberra, ACT. We decided it was a good idea for me to move to Australia and get married. Now we live in Melbourne with an annoying roommate who drinks white wine a lot. It didn't really take very long for me to find things I disliked about Melbourne. The music scene is deplorable aside form maybe Collapsed Toilet Vietnam, The Emergency and the U.V. Race. I don't like cover bands or Eddy Current Supression Ring. I will, though, admit that Eddy Current have a great thing going for them- they fooled everyone into believing they were a good band. All the women here either look like they're 12 or 40 years old. Seriously, look at any woman, especially white ones, and tell me I'm wrong. My woman isn't from AUS originally so she looks like a normal human. I don't do drugs because I am a real man. Crime here is a joke, it's all junkie crime.

Here's a short list of good things here:

1. Double Dipped Dark Chocolate Cherry Ripe

2. My Wife

3. AFL (see Carlton Blues)

4. Regular Cherry Ripe

5. Hamish and Andy

6. BBQ Shapes

7. VB stubbies

8. No Tipping bartenders or waiters esp.

I like a lot of people I've met here through Daniel and Pete at Missing Link. Many people have shown me much hospitality and I will love them forever. Maybe one day I will tell them when I'm drunk.

2. I have developed a great distain for Australian pizza. It's probably because they put too much useless shit on it. I'm sorry if I can't dig a pizza with nachos, sour cream, shrimp and infant fingers on it. It just needs cheese mostly. I also hate breakfast here. I'm sick of trying to find a restaurant that sells eggs and bacon with toast and hash browns. It doesn't exist. Here's a typical conversation between me and a waiter at brekkie(HA!): "So, can I just get some scrambled eggs with bacon, hashbrowns and toast?" "Well, we can, but you see they way we serve that dish is first we place all of those items atop a bed of iceburg lettuce just before we stuff them all into a tank bullet shell casing. We then fire the meal into the air. As the bullet is fired, the meal is heated to a perfect 50 degrees celcius and you have to catch the food with your mouth as we've tied your hands behind your back" Fuck breakfast here.

3. I work at a bar some nights so I don't watch much morning TV. I like the Footy Show, though.

4. It wasn't too hard to adjust to living in Australia. It's barely a foreign country. It's a beautiful city, this here Melbourne. It reminds me of Berkeley, CA. I admit I did feel slightly lonely and depressed around the three month mark but that has all passed. I found myself feeling vaguely isolated for most of the day, even around other people. It was strange for me due to the fact that I've never shown syptoms of depression any other imbalance. I chalk it up to boredom in the long run. I'm big boy. I will live.

5. I sold all of my records to buy a plane ticket on the fast to get down here. Made like 5 grand. Thats all blown. Who cares. I have been listening to The Band a lot. Their first 2 records are perfect. John Cale and Neil Young are two nice men who haven't sucked for more than one record ever. I like the newest Mitch Hedberg album more than anything with songs on it. He's dead. That didn't need to happen.

6. The Pretty Toney Album. "My shit powerful enough to lift a fuckin' donkey" Ok?

7. Clockcleaner has one more lp to come. It's half finished and is entitled "Auf Wiedersehen". We will regroup after the Nov Austrlian tour when I move back to America for one more tour in the spring and to see all of the loose ends tied up ie: Deerhunter split, GG allin single and other various crapola. It's ran it's course. Bands that stay together too long become bitter, desperate animals. I've never fancied myself a career musician, I don't respect that. It is truly a waste of time these days. We all have real lives that don't involve delusion or infantile behavior.

JSIII

HOWS DAT SHIT, NIGGUH?

TOP 10 of 2008

Cult of Youth "A Stick to Bind, A Seed To Grow" LP
Car Commercials "Eric's Diary" + "Judy's Dust" LP's
Eddy Current Suppression Ring "Primary Colours" LP
Lakes "Cloven" LP
The Unholy Two - Kutter 7"
UV Race - 5 Song EP
Clockclean er Are American Skinheads AUS Tour
Septic Surge
Plymouth Gin
Cocaine

Runners Up:
Beer, Weed, Lady GaGa, Wavves "Wavves", DXM

swimmin' in piss.. UPDATE.

hey.. p.twist web log is on temporary hiatus while i get to work on a print issue, scheduled for release at the end of september. no posts 'cause for the time required, and my not wanting to dump all'a my 'creative resoruces' into this blog. i mailed off a page last week to daniel-x (of straightjacket nation, distort zine notoriety) for inclusion in the next "kill or maim" comp zine.. so depending on whether that gets out before the full length will determine primitive's debut print appearance.. stoked!!!!!!!!

tentative line up for mag;
drunkdriver, stick men w/ raygun, circle pit interviews.. (plus maybe 1 or 2 more)
record reviews...
articles to be announced at a later time.

if you're interested in contributing to the zine w/ rec reviews, photo's, pontification etc.. please let me know asaspsasp. 

some good new records i've been jammin' to:
lakes - cloven lp
corndawg - s/t lp
bad boy butch batson - lp
brainbombs - live lp
new violent students cd
flower travellin' band - satori reissue
blank realm - everything!!

also here's an interview with melbourne band PATHETIC HUMAN that i've neglected posting for a bit.. their tape entitled "unexpected death" is still availalbe from the stained circles recording label, and is a stellar example of modern hardcore played in an abrasive noiserock manner... j)oel.. l)iam..t)om..b)ryce

1) is this yr first i/v for a webzinelog? how do you feel about blogs? blog vs. print zine??

t. print zine 'cos you can't wipe your ass with a computer, even though we are rocking a fair nerd status at the moment. blogs we dig; saturn masque, sweat lung, distort, sabbatical, etc.
l. print zines because i like the sensation of touching things with my hands...

2) if you cold make an acronym for B.L.O.G what would it be?? how about bacon, Lettuce, Onion and Guacomole (as in for a sandwich)?? any vegans in the band??

b. boiled little ovaries = gourmet.
l. breaking laws over genitals.
t. no vegans in the band. 2 vegos, 1 sellout and 1 chiller.

3) when did the band start, and why? could you tell somethin' interesting about each member??
what kinda lives do you live etc..

t. 'cos miso-maniax broke up, you need something to do, eh.
l. bored, restless, sick of smoking weed and you need a band to reflect the insanity of every day life.

4) pathetic human is my favorite kinda hardcore band. that what plays fast, raw hc hardcore, in a sort of noisy/r'n'r playing field. lo-fidelity, raw, blown out etc. was this what you intended for the band, or does it just turn out this way.. naturally??

t. we wanted it to be raw and really dirty like melbourne train lines and hutchies baby springa. we of course achieved it because we're mad cunts.

5) what are the bands influences, musically and non-musically speaking?

t. booze, weed, crawf's dvd "no cum dodgers allowed", black metal, turbo-violence, no-wave.
l. space, medicinal plants, psychedelic experiences, raw uk hip-hop, forest adventures.
j. carpathian, parkway, getaway plan and other real hardcore.

6) are there any modern/current/local bands you feel a kind of 'affinity' towards, and howso??

t. final draft, hoi pinoi, axrxmx and new cali pv.

7) "Downsided" Vs. Crossed Out s/t 7", and for what reasons??
t. downsided. it's flat chat. bryce says the same.
b. lamnent.
l. crossed out.

8) what are your thoughts on guy from local emo band "i am the prom queen" appearing on channel 10's syndicated show big brother? do you think this is in any way contributed to the show being cancelled after it's 8 year on-air run??

t. what is big brother and who the fuck is crafter?
l. forest > tv.

..they will never be divided.. SIC ALPS 'United' 7"

SIC ALPS "United" 7"
It takes either a pair of considerable girth or plain ‘ole ignorant naivety to attempt a Throbbing Gristle cover in this day and age, and as is evidenced on this single-sided one-sider, which contains only one side of vinyl worth of music, California duo SIC ALPS is packin’ knickers. Their shambolic, just right-fi take on “United” is a you-bloody-ripper!!…one which manages to transfuse metallic, hollow industrial into a jangly, psychedelic high-end burn, blowing Crispy Ambulance’s mumbling art-fag rendition outta’ conscious memory (thank Christ fer that!). What were creepy little early-worms trapped in a mechanical cocoon, in this rendition has blossomed into a crittery & glittery butterfly. Watch out though ‘cause them spores hold a CANON of venom, and of that you can be sure. This is psych-pop music unmistakably for NOW, what’d leave John’s and Pauls’ and Marc’s of past frothing at the mouth w/ vengeance & deliria and wondering why THEY couldn’t come up with a few more these numbers “back in the day”. I’m such an asshole collector, sorry BIG FAN OF THIS ROCK GROUP, that I had to go 'n get all four colour variants of the fuckin’ thing. It sounded exactly the same on every one, ‘cept for that the golden boy (limited to 200 copies) what was caked with some factory dust residue, which in effect produced a slurred, crackling sound. Very, very nice single; probably the quintessential ‘Alps 7” artifact to date. (important records)

The new LP also, is a good thing.

Play 'n rate...Another month, another wad

BLACK ORPHAN “s/t” 7”:

Minimal synth cassettencombinat from a former member of Das Spits (not the femme fronted Nuclear Crayons-styled band from Sydney, but that stoopid ass ‘Merican g.punk one), w/ a frontal lobotomy induced sense of d’uh-umor. Kind of like if that Blank Dog fella were genuinely retarded rather than just ‘dark’ and ‘mysterious’. Excellent glow-in-the-dark sleeve, with a couple minor design variants. (UFO Dictator)

BUSTER PUNTER ‘Jesus Is Coming’ CD:

Distorted pub-punk-thud been blabbered over by slurred, spoken word bogan philosophy. Picture Bad Boy Bubby wingin’ through his best Mark E. Smith impression, while fronting a poorly rehearsed Aztecs cover band. I prefer potato chips w/ my Toohey’s but sometimes I’ll open a pack’a salted nuts. (Forest St. Records)

CHILDREN’S HOSPITAL ‘Alone Together’ CDr:

Future/primitive who’s-hidin’-in-that-bunker noise in a Residents/ Suicide/ Primitive Calculators kind of way, OR clinical synth driven skronk from an underground Mind Kampf. Not so much apocalyptic as it is stuck in intensive care. Members of just about every other Seattle band worth’a shit (Fatcunts, A.F.C.G.T.A.C.G.T.C etc). (Self Released)

DOOR AND THE WINDOW + DRY RIB CD REISSUES:

Hey, here’s a coupl’a welcome + ESSENTIAL pieces of archival drip which from whence they came was darned revelatory… (Messthetics/DATW)

LEPER PRINT ‘Coma’ 7”:

…what makes for an apt segue-way into this brand new banger, from 'cross the pond. Totally CHARMING one man UK DIY via Portland, Oregon. Skeletal and swamped in echo, with the propulsive bombast of an OG Messthetic (like for instance, Dry Rib/D&tW) or happy, Happy Squid. Great shit! (Die Stasi)

NERVE CITY ‘Sole Survivor’ CS:

Cassingle (huh?) of reverb-heavy “outsider” hum which’s fast becoming run of the mill in the market, with enough going for it to shtick. Namely a decent set of guitar driven tunes which bring to mind such luminaries as the Velvet Underground (ca. Venus in Furs) and The Velvet Underground (ca. Sister Ray). I much prefer the Pink Noise, whose bedroom baked guitar’n synth crunch is entirely rooted in o-d-d, also the long haired, cheesesteak fed psych/blues/dylan amalgam of Kurt Vile; I like that more too, but that’s writing for another time. (Self Released)

PLASTOBETON ‘Glam Mort’ CD:

An r’n’r platter as tasty as what the Anals brought, who’re part of that same French punk conglomerate of sleaze/dirt/glam (La Grande Triple Alliance Internationnale de L'Est). Stews in a broth of post-industrial thawk a’la D.A.F/U.S. Maple with a smutty, cum spayed disco bent. Into it. (Tanzprocesz)

SAVAGE RESURRECTION “s/t” LP:

LTD to 1000 edition reissue of what’s a late 60’s West Coast acid/psych monster. Guitar driven and laden with sound effects; strong experimental leanings creep from a molten-pop core, washed out w/ a couple-tab’s-in-the-kool-aid. Are you experienced?! (Tapestry)

SCREAM “Still Screaming” LP:

This’s an interesting mix of prevailing early 80’s harDCore styles spread over a diverse and well rounded long player.. An over reliance on gang vocals (and general weak vocal delivery) and some slowed down, bass driven, almost skalite tracks hinder what’s otherwise a beaut. “New Song” is a veritable DCHC classic. (Dischord)

UV RACE – s/t 7”:

Baw baw blues..Outta’ control kids.. I fuggin DIG this crews’ sloppy garage punk played with the incompetent kick of The Godz, and the agitation of Die Electric Eels. Real-deal anthems for Australia’s yewth (yo!), what’s looser than yr sister’s snarky button clad blue-haired friend, and funner’n a jumbo set of lego, man! Rythmn section is comprised of Straightjacket Nation members, Australia’s best jazz ensemble. (Aarght!)

WICKED AWESOMES “Information Entropy” 7”:

“Hooray for everything” themed pop-punk in the vain of Busted! and/or (latter day) Fountains of Wayne. At least that’s what’s expected (was hoping for?) given the band name. It’s branded Almost Ready Records, so one sharn’t know quite what to expect b’fer listening. What I heard was wobbly, off-centre and near surf-sounding punk melodies w/ vocals what at times sound like the lead-into-chorus bit from Ballroom Blitz. B-side sounds entirely different to that description. Absurdity! I do like the out of timeyness of this single. But I still like “Stacy’s Mom” more. (Almost Ready)

ZOLA JESUS – s/t 7”:

Lastly, here’s more from the crimson wave (eww...) of Lafayette, Indiana, and its multilayered fuzz trapped under key-driven primitivism, ripe w/ pop hooks. A handful of tracks and each has an I-can’t-put-my-finger-on-it aura to it, which invites repeated listens. Released by the same bloke who handled the Leper Print EP. It’s pretty good. (Die Stasi)